Imagine being watched constantly, even from thousands of miles away, your every move scrutinized. This is the chilling reality for Kiran, an 'abandoned bride' from India, trapped in a visa nightmare in Australia. Her story unveils a disturbing trend, but it's just the tip of the iceberg.
Kiran's husband, living in Brisbane, kept a constant eye on her through cameras installed in their shared home in India, over 10,000 km away. He'd monitor her daily activities, a stark reminder of his control. 'I can always see what you do,' he'd tell her, a phrase that echoes the unsettling nature of her situation.
Their marriage, marked by a Sikh ceremony near the India-Pakistan border, was supposed to be a gateway to a new life. However, after the wedding, her husband visited her only four times in India over eight years, each stay lasting about a month. This is a common pattern for many Indian women who are sold the dream of migrating overseas only to find themselves in a domestic abuse situation.
According to Yasmin Khan, head of the Bangle Foundation, a Queensland-based service supporting South Asian women facing domestic abuse, Kiran is one of thousands of Indian women who have become 'abandoned brides.' These women are deserted by their Indian-born husbands living abroad in countries like the UK, Australia, and Canada.
But here's where it gets controversial... Some abandonments are financially motivated, with husbands absconding with the dowry, which, despite being illegal in India since 1961, remains a widespread practice. Other husbands exploit their wives to provide domestic help for their in-laws, a situation some advocates liken to modern slavery. Some men face unforeseen visa issues preventing them from bringing their wives overseas.
Human rights campaigners have documented cases of abandoned brides living in Australia, often facing complex legal challenges. In Kiran's case, her husband promised a life split between India and Australia before eventually settling down. However, after she became pregnant, he told her she would never join him in Australia. 'I came to realize this life was not for me. He had no interest in me. I had just been bought here to take care of others,' she reveals.
At the time of their marriage, Kiran, then 22 years old, knew little about her husband. However, his permanent residency in Australia, white-collar job, and abstention from alcohol made him an attractive match in her family's eyes. But after a month of marriage, the husband returned to Australia, and the arguments began.
Over long-distance calls, Kiran's husband would order her to follow his mother's instructions, including cooking and cleaning for her in-laws. 'He would say I can see you on the camera – make sure what you cook is fresh for my parents,' she recalls.
By early 2022, Kiran's mental health deteriorated. Community elders in Punjab, considered an epicenter of abandoned brides, called for the family to reunite. This prompted her husband to bring her and their children to Australia.
And this is the part most people miss... Upon arriving in Brisbane, Kiran discovered her husband had brought her on a tourist visa instead of a partner visa, which has a pathway to permanent residency. This meant she had no legal right to stay indefinitely, despite her children being Australian citizens.
Khan highlights that the surveillance and control exerted by the husband, coupled with Kiran's temporary visa status, were forms of coercive control. Bangle Foundation receives about 1,000 calls annually regarding domestic abuse, visa abuse, and trafficking, with 60% of these calls coming from women based interstate and abroad. Fear of cultural norms like arranged marriages can be a barrier for migrant and culturally and linguistically diverse women seeking help.
Kiran, still in visa limbo, fights to stay in Australia with her children, hoping they can bring her the happiness she craved from her husband.
What are your thoughts on the challenges faced by these women? Do you think more support is needed, and what kind? Share your opinions in the comments below.
*Note: Name has been changed.
*If you or someone you know needs help, here are some resources:
- In Australia, the national family violence counselling service is on 1800 737 732.
- In the UK, call the national domestic abuse helpline on 0808 2000 247, or visit Women’s Aid.
- In the US, the domestic violence hotline is 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Other international helplines may be found via www.befrienders.org
